This time of year

I'll be posting 2 entries today but I wanted this one to be separate. Today is Bailey's birthday. I can't blieve he's 9 years old. I write more about that later and post some photos.

It's this time of year that I get thinking. Each year I'm spun out by the idea that I'm the mother of a 1, 2, 3.... 9 year old. And then I think... well, I would of been the mother of a 10 year old. i've gotten to a point where I don't think about the babies that I lost every day, or even every month. But Bailey's birthday is always the trigger for me.

I lost 2 babies before having Bailey and 1 after having Jadzia. I realise that if I had of been able to carry my first pregnancy through to term then I wouldn't have Bailey. I wouldn't go back and change things even if I could. But it still hurts...